Today is Friday and I took the entire day off and I have NOTHING scheduled on my agenda. This is a day for ME and a day to do just whatever I choose to do or not do today. I do this regularly now, but not usually on a Friday, so this feels extra special. This actually inspired me to write this post, which is what I would call “inspired action” versus just “productive action.” It is often in these moments of rest and relaxation that we have the greatest ideas and inspirations. This is because we are actually taking the time to “hear” our innate wisdom and to listen to our “soul.”
When was the last time you took a day off during the week? Or took a day for yourself to rest or to recuperate or to de-stress or to have fun or to just BE without any demands or pressures?
I no longer subscribe to the idea that you have to work harder/faster/nonstop in order to be/do/have things in life (i.e., happiness and success – which are defined differently by everyone anyway). Research shows that this actually makes us LESS productive!
This creates not only a negative psychological effect on us, but a negative physiological effect on us. The more we are “on” all the time and the more stressed we become, the less productive we become and the unhealthier we become – physically, mentally, and emotionally. Here is the short version of how stress becomes disease in our bodies:
Our brains become overwhelmed and overloaded, contributing to symptoms of inattention, forgetfulness, inability to focus, inability to think clearly (aka brain fog), etc. Our bodies get overwhelmed and overloaded, contributing to a cascade effect of over-compensating mechanisms. Our adrenal glands work overtime to secrete cortisol (the stress hormone) to keep up with the demands of stress (until they can no longer keep up, creating more issues). This increased cortisol creates a cascade effect in our body, affecting every other hormone (i.e., thyroid hormones, sex hormones such estrogen, progesterone, testosterone) and every other chemical (i.e., neurotransmitters such serotonin, norepinephrine, acetylcholine) causing multi-system imbalance in the body. Furthermore, this creates a cascade of inflammatory reactions and releasing of cytokines, which create chronic inflammation in the body. We know that chronic inflammation in the body is a precursor to and underlies many chronic diseases. This dysregulation also breaks down our immune system, which is there to help ward off disease and illness. The bad new: Chronic exposure to stress and these dysregulated mechanisms creates dis-ease and illness in the body. The good news: THE BODY CAN RESTORE AND HEAL ITSELF given the right environment.
We have to take the time to allow our body to rest and recover. Otherwise, it breaks down. It’s similar to a car. If we continue to run our car without proper service and maintenance, it will break down much faster. And our bodies are much more complex and intricate, not to mention miraculous, than cars. If we are constantly stressed and in a “fight or flight” mode, our bodies are unable to sustain health and wellness.
This mentality of “work harder” served me very well in my early life. It was once a survival mechanism that was extremely useful and helped propel me out of trauma/poverty/un-education/perceived unworthiness, etc and it helped bring me to a place of “incredible-ness” in my life on so many levels. It was a great advantage to me and I am grateful for the development of this “shadow” early in my life.
However, my once-effective survival mechanism began to break me down, began to cause detriment to myself, to my body, to my health, to my family, to my relationships, and to my life. I was a freight train headed nowhere fast. I was over-working myself, which negatively affected every other area of my life. I started having health issues that I had never had before. I wasn’t enjoying my job, my husband, my kids, or my life. I was stressed and working all the time and I started having depression and worsening anxiety, despite all of the amazing things I had in my life (two beautiful and healthy children, a great husband, a wonderful career, my own business/private practice helping others, etc).
I realized and became aware through my own hypnotherapy sessions, that these same “skills” I had learned early-on as a means of survival, were now quite literally killing me. This was a huge wake-up call for me. I started scaling back and removing everything that was blocking my own health, peace, and happiness I took my life back. I had to double down on healing techniques and modalities to get myself back “healthy” and thriving again. It has been almost 2 years since this huge shift in my life and things are so much better. I am so much less stressed, I’m healthier, and I’m enjoying life again. I now check in with myself and my own inner wisdom before committing to things. I choose to do only those things which align with my soul and my purpose…things that come from inspired action and not just a need to be “productive.”
Does this mean my life is perfect? Absolutely not. No one’s life is. I believe that we are always learning and growing and that a thriving or “happy” life is one that is a delicate oscillation between peace/contentment/stillness and aspiration/growth/expansion. Meaning, we have to learn to be quiet and still and in that stillness, we will find our inspired actions to consistently move onward and upward. That means regularly re-evaluating our beliefs, our habits, and our behaviors and then making the necessary changes to accommodate where we are in the present moment.
In order to truly thrive (which is what I now seek) and not just survive, we have to undergo change, growth, and expansion into the new. We have to learn to bring our shadows into our conscious awareness, so that we can shift these underlying behaviors, which can eventually become self-sabotaging. Here’s a quick definition of a shadow part: A shadow part is a part of us which develops out of a necessity for protection and survival. It is often a part of us which we may not even “see” consciously, hence the name “shadow,” but others can often see it. Some of my early shadows that developed in my childhood were: the rebel or the bad girl, then the striver or the over-achiever, the isolater or the commitment-phobe, the quiet girl and later, the loud and crazy girl. There are others, as we often have many shadow parts develop in childhood.
We have a process in Heart-Centered Hypnotherapy where we thank our shadow parts for protecting us and we make statements about which aspects of those shadows we choose to keep and which parts we choose to release. Here are my statements about my “striver” and my “over-achiever” shadow:
What I am grateful for: I am so grateful for the motivation and the internal drive that you gave me and everything I have been able to accomplish because of it. What I choose to keep: The part that makes me want to continue learning, growing, and expanding into the highest version of myself. What I choose to release: The part that makes me feel like I have to always be working, striving, achieving, to the point that it gets in the way of me actually enjoying myself, my family, and my life.
Cheers to those who are transforming and re-inventing themselves to become a higher version of themselves and not just doing things the same way simply because that’s the way it has always been! That is really no excuse to remain the same. Grow. Expand. Ascend.
Aligned is the new hustle. De-stressed is the new success.
PS: If you would like to do virtual sessions to help bring your shadows into the light and to shift them, contact me at info@burkholderwellness or 980-428-6070.
Liz Burkholder, FNP / Burkholder Wellness
Nurse Practitioner / Clinical Hypnotherapist
5.24.19