People often ask me why we would want to go back and process painful things from childhood that are already “in the past.” My answer is usually something along the lines of, “Because they are still showing up in our lives every single day in our self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors.”
In the type of transpersonal and trauma focused hypnotherapy that I do, clients are able to hone into the exact situations in which their deeply rooted self-limiting beliefs were formed, most of which often began in early childhood, and to heal them at the place in which they were created.
Clients are always fascinated at the realization of just how significant certain situations were for them and how deeply impacted they were by them (and still are in adulthood!). They are usually amazed to see so clearly how these beliefs and behaviors have played out as patterns in their lives. (There is also a lot of emotional processing, energetic release work, and inner child work in these sessions, (as well as spiritual work for some) which further helps to resolve/release/restore/heal these beliefs and events).
Of course, these beliefs and behaviors were formed as a way of survival, so they were actually brilliant survival mechanisms at one time. The problem is that as we get older, they actually become detrimental to us and may block our connection (to ourselves and others), our joy, our peace, our self-love, our abundance, our purpose, and more. These unprocessed situations may also manifest as physical, mental, and emotional ailments or dis-ease.
These programmed beliefs and subsequent behaviors are deeply embedded, so much so, that people are often completely unconscious (unaware) of them.
These limiting beliefs and the behaviors may show up as extremes in our lives.
The underlying, and often unconscious, thoughts related to these painful situations become strong core beliefs that follow throughout adulthood.
After doing hundreds of these sessions, these are some of the main distorted core beliefs that show up:
- I am unworthy.
- I am unlovable.
- I am bad.
- I am not good enough.
- I am not heard.
- I am not seen.
- I don’t matter.
- My thoughts and feelings don’t matter.
- I am all alone. No one cares about me.
- I have to please others (and suppress my true self) in order to be loved and accepted.
These beliefs get translated and manifested as some of the following, often unconscious, behaviors and patterns throughout life as extremes or “two sides of the same coin.”
Belief: I don’t matter.
Behavior: I’ll just continue to allow people (including myself) to treat me badly
OR
I’ll just treat everyone else badly.
—————
Belief: I’m helpless.
Behavior: I’ll just allow and expect everyone else to save and rescue me
OR
I’ll fix it by saving and rescuing everyone else (siblings, parents, friends, significant others, clients).
————–
Belief: I am not heard. My voice doesn’t matter.
Behavior: I won’t use my voice and I won’t speak up
OR
I will be really loud and disruptive so that someone/everyone will hear me.
—————
Belief: I am not seen.
Behavior: I will hide myself and won’t allow myself to be noticed
OR
I will overcompensate and beg for attention and to be noticed by going to extremes or by “stepping” on others.
————–
Belief: My boundaries do not matter. I don’t even know what healthy boundaries are.
Behavior: I’ll have boundaries that are too strict (allowing no one in; allowing no one any slack)
OR
I’ll have boundaries that are too loose (allowing everyone and everything in).
—————
Belief: My body is not mine. I am not safe in my body.
Behavior: I will dissociate from my body. I will not respect or take care of my body.
OR
I will obsess about my body and expect it to be perfect; otherwise, I am not worthy.
—————
Belief: I am bad.
Behavior: I’ll just BE bad
OR
I’ll be so good that I am accepted/liked/approved of.
—————
Belief: I can’t trust anyone.
Behavior: I’ll just rely on myself and do everything myself without asking for help (i.e., ultra-independence)
OR
I will allow people in a little bit, but I will abandon them or push them away before they have a chance to hurt or abandon me.
—————
Belief: I have no control in my life.
Behavior: I’ll allow myself to be controlled
OR
I can fix this by trying to control everyone and everything around me.
—————
Belief: I’m all alone.
Behavior: I’ll just isolate myself and not let anyone get close to me
OR
I’ll constantly seek to be with another, never allowing myself to be comfortable alone.
—————
Belief: I am nothing.
Behavior: I’ll just give up and never try
OR
I’ll over-strive and push so hard for achievement and approval to prove that I am something.
—————
Belief: I am unworthy.
Behavior: I won’t allow myself to receive (happiness, love, joy, money, abundance, respect, health, etc)
OR
Everyone else owes me and is responsible for my happiness, love, joy, money, abundance, respect, health, etc.
—————
Belief: No one cares about me.
Behavior: I’ll allow people (including myself) to destroy me
OR
I’ll destroy everyone and everything (including myself) in my path.
—————
Belief: I am a victim and deserving of this treatment. It is somehow my fault.
Behavior: I’ll just re-enact and inflict my rage and pain onto others
OR
I will excessively seek to save and rescue others from their pain (to the detriment of myself) instead of dealing with my own pain.
—————
Belief: Love is painful and love hurts.
Behavior: I’ll won’t allow anyone in
OR
I will allow others to treat me badly because this is the standard and there is nothing better.
—————
Belief: It is not safe to feel or express my emotions.
Behavior: I will stuff down all of my emotions and hold them in
OR
I will overreact and lash out at everyone.
The very good news is that it is never, ever too late to heal this faulty programming (where it began) and these “lies” that have been programmed in. It is never too late to reclaim yourself, your life, your peace, and your joy.
Transpersonal and Trauma Focused Hypnotherapy is one modality which helps to do exactly this and the outcomes are phenomenal. People often report massive changes in their lives after these sessions.
Liz Burkholder, NP
Nurse Practitioner, Hypnotherapist, Trauma Specialist, Intuitive
Burkholder Wellness & Charlotte Hypnotherapy Institute
12/9/20